and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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