I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
