This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
