Your face is a jimmy john
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
