my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
