absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
