i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
