yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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