If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
