I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
