my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
