Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
