Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
