I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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