the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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