i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
