Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
