Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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