Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
