I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize