apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
