Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
