Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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