YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
