So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
