i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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