Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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