oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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