good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
