I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
