Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
