Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
