omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He did a backflip because drugs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize