I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
