She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
