I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
