Me. At least after what I've been through.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
