I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
