as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this will be a night to untag.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
