i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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