no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
