Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
