I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
