im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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