party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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