eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
