she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
