I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
