you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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