Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
