Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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