walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize