I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
