My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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