Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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