come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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