I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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