He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
