I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
