At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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