Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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