Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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