Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
