thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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