I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sober January is a disaster.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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