I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
