and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize