My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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