Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Let's get the cat blown out
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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