I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I FOUND THE LEGS
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
