Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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