BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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