someone threw a dead crab at me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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